MEGA SHARK VS GIANT OCTOPUS (2009)
This straight to DVD release features two supposedly extinct beasts resurrected to battle each other.
Yes, I'm talking about the two leads Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas!
The CGI effects are lame and there's just not enough footage of the title match which makes this a real wasted opportunity.
THE REEF (2010)
When the small yacht they're sailing though Australia's Great Barrier Reef hits rock and starts to sink, the five travelers on board are suddenly stranded in the middle of the ocean. Four of them attempt the twelve mile swim to a small island while the fifth decides to stay on the capsized boat waiting to be rescued. Like Open Water, much of the film involves the poor souls surrounded by nothing but blue ocean, not knowing what lurks beneath.
Using real sharks,The Reef is a pretty thrilling survival movie with a tangible sense of dread.
The DVD has an interesting twenty-four minute featurette on the making of the film and how to shoot live sharks.
An experimental military weapon fusing the DNA of a shark and an octopus escapes, attacking anything in its path along a Mexican resort area.
Like many of the giant monster movies produced for the U.S. SyFy channel, Sharktopus has poorly written dialogue delivered by poorly directed actors and a story line that barely hangs together.
So what does Sharktopus have that those forgetable other movies don't?
A friggin' sharktopus!
Hey nobody went to see Jurrasic Park for Jeff Goldblum's stellar acting performance.
SRF = 28
MEGA SHARK VS CROCOSAURUS (2010)
The megalodon from 2009's Mega Shark VS Giant Octopus returns to battle a giant dinosaur crocodile.
While I really like the idea of these Godzilla vs King Kong style giant monster showdowns, the cheap CGI and lack of any real violence neuters the project.
Love the tagline though: "Whoever wins...we lose!"
SRF = 1 CRF = 5
A prehistoric creature that has been frozen for millions of years thaws out and heads for Mexico. Wouldn't you?
The title beast is a giant shark with the head and skin of a t rex. Dinoshark starts killing people and even, as seen in other shark movies starting with Jaws 2 , takes down a helicopter. It also interrupts a womens' water polo tournament and grabs a parasailor out of the air.
Recycles some scenic footage from Sharktopus.
SHARK NIGHT (2011)
Even though Shark Night was released theatrically, the filmmakers let the opportunity for real scares slip away by making a PG-13 rated movie. Which is too bad cause the animatronic sharks look pretty good and the story is just different enough to hold one's interest.
Shame they wimped out on the violence.
The DVD has a featurette where the cast and crew are obviously quite proud of what they've created here.
Must be something in the water.
SRF = 7
DARK TIDE (2011)
Halle Berry runs a boating business reluctantly taking curious divers out to swim with great whites. When the boat gets pummeled by bad weather in the middle of the night, the five people on board have the elements and roaming sharks to contend with.
The tone of this one is a little darker than most killer shark movies.
SRF = 2
2 HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2012)
A group of students get stranded on an island after their boat is attacked by a giant two-headed shark. As they attempt to get back to the boat they get picked off by the monster (in pairs naturally).
This garbage has lots of fast edits when characters are just walking around.
The DVD has a nine minute "Making Of" featurette for some reason.
SRF = 22
JERSEY SHORE SHARK ATTACK (2012)
This Jersey Shore parody barely passes for a movie. Caricatures of the reality show cast (who are already caricatures of human beings, to be honest) deal with a group of killer sharks that have started feeding on the shore.
The CGI sharks look like cartoon tubes and Paul Sorvino needs to fire his agent immediately for putting him in this horrible mistake.
Never before have I rooted so much for the shark....
SRF = 9
SHARK WEEK (2012)
Despite the filmmakers' intentions this is not to be confused with the highly successful, long running Discovery Chanel documentary series Shark Week. An insane billionaire kidnaps a group of eight strangers giving them various challenges to prove something or other. Again, really cheap CGI effects derails this Jaws meets Saw effort.
They do manage to slip some actual true information about sharks into the dialogue so somebody behind this watched at least a couple episodes of the real Shark Week.
Sure, I appreciate the over-the-top imagery of killer sharks literally falling from the sky but the wooden acting and awful CGI make this SyFy Channel movie no better than a lot of the other crappy shark films out there. The only thing that differentiates this is the massive online promotion that went viral.
Oh, and the little shout outs to the original Jaws and Jaws 2 aren't nearly as cute as the filmmakers think they are. Hell, Cruel Jaws used the "we're gonna need a bigger helicopter" line eighteen years before Sharknado.
At least it wasn't filmed in Bulgaria.
MEGA SHARK VS MECHA SHARK (2014)
In this sequel to Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus (2010) the military has constructed a huge submarine in the shape of a giant shark to battle a Megalodon that is terrorizing the waters of Australia. The mecha shark looks kinda cool but loses points for having a sentient computer program that speaks to it's captain like the talking car from TV's Knight Rider.
Surprisingly the megalodon itself is rendered quite well but it's unrealistic movements betray the CGI source.
Eventually the two uh, sharks fight for a bit and mecha shark goes into amphibious mode to cause damage on land. Wait, wasn't he the good guy?
Debbie Gibson from Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus (2009) has a cameo to give a sense of continuity as if anyone would care.
SHARKNADO 2: THE SECOND ONE (2014)
The massive across the board popularity of Sharknado (2013) led to a quick follow-up sequel this time taking place in New York City.
Celebrities of various degrees of success rushed to be a part of the proceedings so we get Kelly Osbourne, Andy Dick, Kelly Ripa, Billy Ray Cyrus, Al Roker and more.
The filmmakers attempt to be clever with the casting as well. Robert Hays from Airplane! (1980) plays a pilot while Judd Hirsch (TV's Taxi) is a NYC cabdriver. Also Mark McGrath and Kari Wuhrer are named Martin and Ellen Brody as a nod to the original Jaws (1975) film as if anyone would care.
This isn't the worst killer shark movie by far but that doesn't mean there is any good reason for this thing to exist.
3 HEADED SHARK ATTACK (2015)
Another awful SyFy Channel effort produced byThe Asylum with predictable results. The thing is filled with cheap CGI effects, stilted dialogue an lots of wide eyed reaction shots from the cast.
The pluses? Well, as ridiculous as the titular monster is, it at least is rendered decently enough, showing scarring that large sharks do endure.
And its really faint praise but this thing is actually slightly better than
Two Headed Shark Attack.
In a move that is deliriously insane, at one point Danny Trejo cuts off the beasts middle
head which then regrows three more smaller,weirder looking shark heads!
In a less inventive move, the film shamelessly steals a couple of scenes from the far, far superior Deep Blue Sea.
SHARKNADO 3 (2015 )
The latest installment of this popular franchise goes for broke with extensive stunt casting. Mark McGrath, Lou Ferrigno, Matt Laurer, Bo Derek, Jackie Collins, Kathie Lee Gifford and many more make appearances in this mess. Shark Tank investor Mark Cuban stars as the President of the United States (!) and quips "they used to call me a shark".
With the unexplainable popularity of the Sharknado series, how has the production budget not increased? Or maybe it has and it all went to getting those guest stars lined up.
Some day can someone please attempt an actually serious killer shark horror movie? These Asylum guys are just ruining everything.